Friday, February 10, 2012

Making sense of Matt Cain's Pants

Most of my writing gets done in the early hours of the morning, sitting on a frost covered bench at the dog park.  It's one of the few opportunities during the day when I can sit in complete silence and privacy to put together a story, pecking away at my iPhone while my dog digs for China in the distance.
It's also a time, though, where my thoughts don't always make sense.  The dog park is where I post Facebook status updates with little or no meaning; where I send out foolish tweets that I wish I could take back.  I am not fully awake at these times; my brain doesn't function properly.
So it would make sense that I'd try and draw a line between Matt Cain's pants and his career desires at this time.  More conceivable connections have probably been made off of two hits of acid.  And yet here I am, completely sober, and I will now attempt to make some sense of Cain's attire while at the same time delivering comfort to the Giants fans who follow me.
Much was made last year about the news that Matt Cain had put his house up on the market.  Media pundits speculated and Giants fans broke into a cold sweat over this tidbit.  A handful of different explanations were offered - Cain is going to be traded!  He's sick of San Francisco!  He's so tired of the lack of run support that he's already hunting for a flat in the greater New York area!
If you are all allowed to draw such conclusions, then I feel that I have the similar right to ponder his pants.
Matt Cain, usually flat and stoic in his demeanor, showed up to the 49ers-Giants charity shoot out at Pebble Beach in a pair of Loud Mouth slacks.  The most flair that we  have ever been exposed to from Cainer was probably his playoff 'fro - the white boy's answer to Dr. J's hair style.
And suddenly here we are, watching the Giants pitcher stroll the links wearing orange, black and white checkered pants, letting it all hang out.  What does it all mean?
I'll tell you what it means - Cain is finally letting his hair down!  Baseball season is on its way, and Cain is getting mentally prepared for 162 days of straight business.  This is one of his last opportunities to relax and have fun, because the real work will soon begin.
Cain usually shows little emotion, both on the mound and in the dugout. He never gets too high or too low.  He has a short memory - that's why it's possible for the guy to lose 2-1 and then come out the next outing with complete amnesia and again be lights out.
But when it comes to pitching, Cain has very little fun, or at least that's how he wants us to perceive it.  Pebble was an opportunity to show us, "hey, I can have fun too." The cherry on top of the cupcake was the orange, black and white diamonds, giving us all a reason to take a deep breath.  Cain loves the San Francisco Giants, and the pants are our reassurance.
Matt Cain is in no hurry to get a contract done: he is sure that in the next few months the Giants will come up with a fair contract extension.  It's not about money or run support or records with Matt - he's all about being loose and fancy free!  Just give him what's fair and he'll find a way to return the favor.  Not to worry, Giants fans, Matt Cain isn't going anywhere for a long, long time.
See?  If you want to connect two far-fetched dots, then I can do it too. The correlation between Matt Cain's real estate ventures is as indicative of his mind state as his choice of leg wear is.  Seeing Matt Cain let loose on the golf course through trousers was a window into his psyche, and by-golly, I'm going to milk that for all it's worth.  Call me crazy, but I see a deal getting done soon.  Let's hope that the next time Matt Cain is seen out on the town, he'll be wearing an orange and black argyle sweater vest, because that will truly be an indication of a contract in the books.

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